LAUGHING BLOG: Jokes for my friends!!!!

Hi frns,

These days my blog has got no post because i was just swirling in cyclone!!!!(actually our state got hit by cyclone)hehe....
well today uncle mr.bean is not coming to thrill us,but i'm bringing a cute toy bear to cheer up you guys!!!
its teddy...

(closing nose....hehehe)

1)A man called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

"Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

Confused, the man went to his Priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the Priest.

"A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel."

The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?!"

"Simple", replied the Priest...

"It doesn't matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!"

2)A bum comes up to the front door of a very expensive house and raps gently on the door. When the rich owner answers, the bum asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."

The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal."

So the bum goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."

The bum says, "Thank you very much. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a porch you got there. It's a BMW."

3)A young Irish boy said to his grandfather. "Make a frog noise for me Grandad."

"No, son, I don't feel like making a frog noise right now"
"Oh please Granddad, make a frog noise."
"No, I don't want to."
"Oh please Granddad, make a frog noise.
"Why is it so important to you that I make a frog noise?"
"Mom says when you croak we can have this house"

4)Two fishermen were adrift in their rented boat due to an engine failure. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.

One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat!"

5)Emma Sue died during the night, and her husband Buddy called 911.

The 911 operator told Buddy that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Buddy replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Buddy said, "How 'bout if I just drag her over to Oak Street."

6)Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were driving on the highway, on their way to go bear hunting. They come upon this fork in the road, where there was a sign that said " BEAR LEFT". They turned around and went home.

That's all folks,hope you enjoyed these........