Jokes for everyone!!!!

Hi frns,
          Iam back with rocking jokes and summer is too hot!!!!!
Well i thank to all those people who follow this blog and it's really created to show my humor side because RAVALI-SMILES FOREVER!!!!

Hehhhe....
well as usual come on Uncle Bean,say hi to my friends!!!

Not like that!!!

Sorry guys we all know Uncle Bean!!!!

Well coming to the jokes,
hmmm....

Really i didn't knew it's this tough to make others laugh before,but i hope i'm some sort of successful....

Hmmm.....let me start with one of my school joke,ok.

1)Teacher: If you eat fish? 
   Student: It's good for my eyes. 
  Teacher: If you don't eat fish? 
  Student: It's good for the fish!!!!(heheh....but i don't like fish,but i eat it!!!)

2)Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on   academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.

The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a ________."

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.

Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?"

Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM."

"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now."

He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"

"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

3)One day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France. 

Then, George Bush said, " If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!" 

Then Dick Cheney said, " Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!" 

Then Laura Bush said, " If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy."

Then the pilot said, " Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."

4)Hilary Clinton, George Bush, Sarkozy, a boy and a monk were stuck on a plane that is falling fast.

They are 5 but there are only 4 parachutes.

 Hilary said "I'm a woman, you cant leave a woman on a plane to die" so she took one and jumped.

 Bush said "I'm the smartest in the world, every one needs me" he took one and jumped.

 Sarkozy blabbed something in french that no one understood, he took one and jumped. 

The monk tells the boy "You take the last parachute, let me die"

 the boy said "Why? We can both jump." "How is that?" said the monk. the boy replies, "Because the so called smartest man Bush took my school bag and jumped!!!"

5)Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans. 

One day, both Billy and Joe made a pact that if either of them were to die; they had to come back to the other in the form of a ghost to let the other know if baseball was played in heaven.

 
Sure enough, Billy dies and eventually comes to Joe one night in the form of a ghost.

 
A startled Joe realizes it is the ghost of his deceased friend and says "Billy, it is so good to see you...so tell me, is there baseball in Heaven?".

 
"Well", Billy says, "I have some good news and bad news for ya. 
First the good news...YES, there is baseball in heaven!". 

"Thank God!" Joe shouts... 

"What is the bad news?!". 

"You're pitching tomorrow."!!!

Funny Pictures:---

1)Will you be my Best Friend!!!!

2)Poor Fluffy!!!!

hehehehe...that's all folks!!!

hope you guys enjoyed well!!!

don't forget to post your rememberable comments!!!

Come on Uncle Bean....

bye...

For My friend Beanizer!!!

Hi folks,
            These jokes are all dedicated to my friend Beanizer,let me introduce him to you...
Come on beany....

Well these days summer is so hot and in India the temperature is raising a lot!!!!
oooffffff.....
I can't wait to jump in a ocean....

YAHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

hehehe.....

Well folks,as i said Summer is too hot so,i will tell you some HOTTTTT!!! jokes!!!
hmmmm.not that hot jokes.hehehe...

1) A man was in the restaurant yesterday when he suddenly realized he desperately 
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so he timed his 
gas with the beat of the music. 

After a couple of songs, he started to feel better. he finished his coffee, 
and noticed that everybody was staring at him.... 

Then he suddenly remembered that he was listening to his iPod!!!!

2)A man in a hurry taking his eight-year-old son to school made a turn at a red light where it                  was   prohibited. 

"Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"It's okay, Dad," the boy said, "The police car right behind us did the same thing.

3)Two elderly ladies were discussing the upcoming dance at the country club.

 "We're supposed to wear something that matches our husband's hair, so I'm wearing black," said Mrs. Smith. 

"Oh my," said Mrs. Jones, "I'd better not go."!!!!

4)Jim and Edna are both mental patients. One day Jim jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn't come up for air. 

Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out. 

Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and sayes 'Edna, Ive got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we are releasing you as you are obviously sane 'saving anothers life'. But unfortunately, the bad news is that Jim hanged himself in the bathroom ...'

'Oh no' Edna replies, 'that's where I put him to dry !'!!!

5)Employer: "We need someone responsible for thi job." 

"Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong,everybody said I was responsible." 

6)Big inspection on a build site/yard.
The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual.
The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses.
-(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time !!!!

Well folks i hope you all liked the jokes,ha??

Anyways don't forget to comment!!!!

Hey Beany come on let's go!!!

Ahem and you too Uncle Bean!!!

Well guys hope you enjoyed will be back with rocking Jokes!!!

bye!!!

Jokes!!!!!

Hi frns,
           I have been seeing many liked my jokes after all my work does paying well,ok but no one is commenting though,many of my friends do read the posts but has no time to post a comment...!!!!

Beany,Mugambi,Sudhi,......people these jokes are for you!!!

@Beany:don't worry you will get a good picture for you...hahahahaha...

@Mugambi:a joke for ya!!!

@Sudhi:a small joke for ya too!!!

JOKES:----

1)An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there was not a God. 

He said, "God if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!" 

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am God, I'm still waiting" 

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a Huge 250-pound rugby player happened to walk by the door and heard what the professor said. 

The rugby player walked into the classroom and in the last minute, he walked up, hit the professor full force, and sent him flying off the platform. 

The professor got up, obviously shaken and said, "Where did you come from, and why did you do that?" 

The football player replied, "God was busy; He sent me!" 

2) A young man called directory assistance. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona."
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man." 

3)This is just for you SUDHEERA:----

Advantages Of Being A Woman

Why it's better to be a Woman!

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 


hehehehe...just got the point !!!!!!!!




Know for you Mugambi my pal:-----


5)John and Mike are walking from religious service. John wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Mike replies, "Why don't you ask the priest?"

So John goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

John goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Mike says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." And so Mike goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

6)Son: Why does Grandpa have no hair on his head?

 Father: It is a sign of Intelligence.

 Son: Now, I know why your hair is so long.

FUNNY PICTURES:-----

1)BEANY just for you:----

Hey cute baby wait....i gonna.....smell you....yuck!!!!!

2)hehehhe...fat kitty!!!!

Hope my wish come true!!!!....hmmmm.....

That's all folks,these days iam getting little busier so slow on posting but nevertheless i will  be back soon with dashing jokes and funny pictures!!!!

see ya guys!!!!

bye!!!!

Humour!!!

Hi frns,
           Every one must have humour in themselves so that they can spice up their life.I had my own humour to talk about things and everyone does too,i generally play pranks on my brother calling him as a "monkey" and used to taunt him with many names,but is this enough for a person to laugh???
nahhhh!!!
so one day i got an idea to make a movie that too a romantic comedy movie:----

"If i ever have a billion dollars,i will make a movie and advertise it as a romantic comedy and half way through the movie the hapless man gives up on the annoying woman and the rest of the movie is just him on the computer and him eating microwave food!!!"

But making others too laugh isn't a easy task,i'm facing this situation a lot now because my readers are bored with my jokes though but liked the parts but not that apt!!!

Some jokes:------

1) BAD EYESIGHT:---

"How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy."Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered. "But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack. "But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "I forgot."

2)Four Fathers:---

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labour.

The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!"

"What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"

The nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!"

"Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!"

When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.

"Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!"

At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong.

"What's wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!"

3)Lazy Worker:---

The owner of a manufacturing firm decided to make a surprise tour of the factory. Walking through the warehouse he noticed a young man lazily leaning against a packing crate. The factory owner angrily said, "Just how much are you being paid?"

The young man replied, "A hundred dollars a week."

The owner pulled out his wallet, peeled off five $20 bills and shouted at the young man: "Here is a week's pay. Now get out and don't come back!"

Without a word, the young man stuffed the money into his pocket and left.

The warehouse manager, standing nearby, stared in amazement. "Tell me," the owner asked, "How long has that guy worked for us?"

"He didn't work here," replied the warehouse manager, "He was just the Fed-Ex guy delivering a package."

This is some stuff i got through internet,now please see some funny pictures....

1)My dog......is intelligent!!!

2)My sweet office...boss too!!!

3)hypnotistsssss...hmmm....

That's all folks,hope you enjoyed!!!

Some Truths!!!!!

Hi frnds,
            Hey guys Smiling is really a good thing but Laughing is really a best thing!!!

So,people my only hope is to get u people laugh for sometime through my blog,i know many people has no time for smiling also,i wonder why they took up so big jobs which let them forget their own happiness....consider Mr.Obama he is still young to be a president but know he has no time for his family but still a rocking president of USA,so,for the popular president i want to convey my best wishes through this small post of mine and not only for him for all the Presidents and busy Government people HERE I COME TO MAKE YOU LAUGH!!!

Smile Please....

The below pictures are just for laughing and not to criticize anyone....

Mr.Obama.....

The Coolest President ever!!!!

For the Cool vs Hot....

Bush..hush......

Now i want to show how animals feel like if they are talking....just check out....

oooooohhhhh POOR PANDA......

Stupid People.......

Hey Wherez my car?????

Police...my kitty took my car...wooooofff....but he don't know  whether he know driving!!!!!

POOR KITTY...

ahmm...well many poor animals are now in this condition because of US!!!!!

well lets see how is the condition of our small Kids....

OMG.......

HELP THAT POOR BOY IN THE POT......hhehehehehehehehe.....Hope he is not Smelly......

Hey What's in it.......peeping.....

Nope.......Bad Kids....really NAUGHTY.....

See Kids are also naughty these days......

Let's see hey once i went to my neighbor's house and i read the sign BEWARE OF DOGS...then i imagined

how about......
hmm.....

A LION...OMG....I GONNA FAINT.....

OK PEOPLE GOTTA GO....HMMMM...TO DOC....

HEY....THT'S TRU.....

HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THE PICS....

SEE YA PEOPLE...DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT......

BYEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
HAHAHAHHAHA....

Funny Pictures from sports!!!!

Hi frns,
          Looks like some how got some peace for you guys visiting my blog,thanks for visiting i hope i would steal all your smiles and wish your smiles be forever!!!!!

WARNING: Who come over here must give their comments,so i can improve myself!!!!

So,everyone like Rugby,so have a nice view of one big Rugby picture...

Hey i kicked it...oops wrong one i think...hehehe....

Hey everyone like football???

Have a look of foooooootball!!!!

oh my got electric shock!!!!! a BABY????

hey hope you guys watch football daily.hehe..

cricket???

let me ha here....

cricket fans watch it and this is for crazy cricket fans!!!

hey its a six man!!!!

hey enough of sports pictures let's go for some jokes!!!!

Hey Pinoys,just for you guys a small joke,if therez a mistake please spare me.hehehheeh..

Nagkaroon ng trouble ang airplane at sabi ng piloto "Fasten your seat belt".

Isang babae nag-panic at ang sabi: "Ako'y babae, nais kong maranasan ang dapat maranasan ng isang babae bago bumagsak ang eroplanong ito! Mayroon ba sa iyong magpapatunay na ako'y babae?"

The last and final joke which makes you laugh!!!

1) Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates were in an airplane that crashed.

They went up to heaven, and God sat on the great throne. God addressed Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replied, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFC's and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."

God thought for a second and said, "Okay, I can live with that. Come sit at my left."

God then addressed Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill Clinton replied, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."

God thought for a second and said, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then addressed Bill Gates. "Bill, what do you believe?"

"I believe you're in my chair," said Bill Gates.

That's all folks!!!

Reminder:-Your comments are my improvements,so PLEASE COMMENT!!!!

 

Comedy Sequel

Hi ya folks,
                 Iam back with a new funny jokes and pictures and i hope you will enjoy them....

Ahmm.......

Hi ya uncle well how can i forget you  uncle...Herez my Uncle Mr.Bean....

here we go let me start...shooo shooo  go away......bad monkey

where in the hell it came????

Uncle stop immitating as a monkey!!!

would you please shoo it off!!!!!

Oh pardon me...uncle does it u guys know that....

Know lets start with jokes:

1)A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward. When it’s over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First. "What’s going on?" he asks a cemetery worker. "It’s Beethoven," says the worker. "He’s decomposing."


2)A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job.

So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.

The priest begins: "When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion."

"I found a bear by the stream," says the minister, "and preached God's Holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him." 

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. "Looking back," he says, "maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."

3)Joe, Mike, Mary, and Tom were talking about their dream jobs.

"I want to be a lawyer," Joe began, "so that I can defend my countrymen."

"I want to be a congressman," said Mike, "so I can draft laws to benefit my countrymen."

"I want to be a doctor," said Mary, "so that I can cure my countrymen."

"How about you, Tom? What would you like to be?" asked Joe.


Tom thought a moment and replied, "I'd like to be a countryman."

4)A neighbor finds a young boy sitting on the stairs crying. 
"What's the matter, honey?" she asks him.
"It's my father," the boy sobs. 
"He hit his finger with a hammer."
"Then why are you crying?"
"Because first I laughed!"

5)"About a month before he died, my grandmother covered my grandfather's back with lard. After that, he went downhill very quickly."


6)A business executive visits his dear Chinese friend in the hospital. 
"Li kai yang qi guan," says the sick man feebly.
The executive desperately wants to help him, but he doesn't speak Mandarin.
"Li kai yang qi guan!" says the patient, as he draws his last breath.
Later that year, the executive is in Shanghai on business when he finally learns the meaning of Li kai yang qi guan: "Get off my oxygen tube."


7) Doctor: Have you taken my advice and slept with the window open?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: So your asthma disappeared completely?
Patient: No, but my watch, TV, iPod, and laptop have.


8)President Sarkozy visits a steel factory. To the boss's surprise, the president greets an employee, Morton, with a warm hug. The same thing happens when Barack Obama visits, and again during Vladimir Putin's tour. Unimpressed, the boss says to Morton, "I bet you don't know the pope."
Morton shrugs. "We play golf together."
The gauntlet has been tossed, and the boss pays their way to the Vatican. During the Benediction, Morton slips away. Sure enough, he reappears—side by side with the pope. Two Chinese tourists tap the boss on the shoulder and ask, "Who's the guy in white standing with Morton?"

This last joke is for my good friend in kenya..Mugambi...pal here it is just for you.....

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile..... somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:


To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached Safely
Date: 21 st July, 2004


I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones. I've just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was .........

RULE:

Two photos of sports enjoy!!!!!

OOPS...Not a Ball.....

gotcha......


Hey honey iam sorry iam late....ohhhhhh .......

Gotcha....

Ok folks that's all for now!!!!

come on Uncle......

bye......